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1995 — Roula

I wanted to say something beautiful, something that would pin her to this moment, to this rooftop, to me. Instead, I said, "That's far."

The brass key sits in my desk drawer now, beside the photograph. Sometimes, on humid nights when the jasmine outside my own window blooms, I swear I can still smell her. I swear I can hear her voice, translating sorrow into a language I almost understand.

She lived two doors down, in a faded neoclassical villa with a courtyard full of lemon trees. Her father was a journalist who had been silenced in ways no obituary could capture. Her mother ran a small bakery that smelled of phyllo and exhaustion. Roula worked there before dawn, folding dough into triangles, her hands dusted white like a ghost’s. Roula 1995

"Don't," she whispered. "You are a good ghost, American. But I have too many already." The next morning, my grandfather drove me to the airport. The key was cold against my chest. I didn't cry. I didn't wave. I just watched Athens shrink into a brown smudge, then a dot, then a memory.

You are a good ghost, American.

I have the key. But the door has been gone for decades.

"Yes."

I tried to kiss her. She turned her cheek, but her hand found mine and held it. Hard. For a long time.